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Thursday, July 19, 2012

Jayden's Recount Writing

I sat in the damp and dusty passenger's seat, holding the delicate gift basket and watching my frustrated mother drive... Concentrated on the road she drove to a hospital. Groaning. I knew she hated the Parking meters. She tugged the ticket and drove on as the sign was forced to move like a slave. Hungry. Tired. Bored. Irritating feelings inside me as I looked to the top of the hospital. Fear. The worst feeling of all. We finally found a parking space and we walked to the hospital gate. The word ‘Ward 6’ was the only thing on my mother's mind. We took the elevator... ‘DING!’ The elevator door opened and I drove back to reality having a small nap and I followed my mum to the counter; looking at the nurse she said “Room 7, that’s where you’ll find her.” My mum simply nodded, and headed to Room 7.

 I saw two women, one of them was my nan, but which one? I looked up and one of the metal plates that read ‘Topia.’ My dads family surname. I walked up to my nan, noticing four women surrounding her. I mumbled “Hi, nan.” She started to cry happily.
“My Mokos!” Her loud but croaky voice made me worry about her. I hugged and kissed my nan on the cheek after my sister who I forgot was here. I sat next to my cousin and lay there. Sleepy. My nan asked how school is. My mum replied because she knew I was tired. My sister used a glove as a balloon. Suddenly my nan asks if I missed my brother. I whispered “yeah.” My nan started to introduce my cousin and her children. One was twelve, one was eight and the youngest was about two and a half to be exact. My nan told my mother about how my dad was brought out of intermediate at the age of twelve and I started to feel sorry for him... My nan then introduced us to her two sisters and her cousin, my other nans. I had never met them before, “Sis, you can stay with me when you get out of this place”
“No, no no. I want my mokos to stay with me. They can meet their brother Harlum again.” “Really?” I stopped. Paused. Thinking about meeting my brother again after three years. I noticed that my mum gave her the basket. Already, but how? “Excuse me but it’s time to leave.”
“Bye!” My sister was wide awake and walked out the door. I simply hugged and kissed my nan goodbye again and walked out the door, hoping I might see her and my brother again.

3 comments:

tevita peauafi fau said...

Cool recount Jayden. I liked how you used lot's of describing and powerful words to explain your feelings.

Caprice said...

I love this sentence I sat in the damp and dusty passenger's seat, holding the delicate gift basket and watching my frustrated mother drive... t helps you describe what's happening in this narrative! This narrative deserves to be in a special writing academie!
Keep it up!!!
Caprice.

Caprice said...

I love this sentence I sat in the damp and dusty passenger's seat, holding the delicate gift basket and watching my frustrated mother drive... t helps you describe what's happening in this narrative! This narrative deserves to be in a special writing academie!
Keep it up!!!
Caprice.